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May 26, 2004 update - new composition: peanut trance.
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Saturday, July 28, 2001
Last night and tonight I started reading all of my blog entries in the archives.. right from the very first day. I read every single one up until a few weeks ago. Then I got bored and I'm too sleepy to read any more anyway. I want to go to sleep now. But it is so interesting. I loved my blog entries a few months ago. As time advanced, I started getting more boring. At first I was reading all the entries with interest, but later on I was just like, "Oh my God. Who cares," then skimmed, skimmed, skimmed. But I read those too nonetheless. I'll finish reading the rest later. But it's so interesting to read how I've changed.. I didn't start wearing jewelry until February 6th! And now it's become such a habit to make all my jewelry match with my clothes. It was also interesting to see all the ups and downs in my life.. and trying to partially conceal my feelings of great joy or great depression. I still do it now. Anyway, I started talking about school and homework too much. I noticed that that was when I started getting bored of reading my entries. Just for your sake, I won't do that again. And for some time I sounded too cheery.. too happy to be real. Sometimes I try to act/sound hyper to actually hide my real feelings inside. But now that I look back, it is really, really annoying. *twitch* I hope I turn back into my old self someday.. what I was back in January, perhaps. I just want to go back in life and relive some moments that were really nice.. but the good thing about these moments is that I'll never forget them.. so I replay them in my mind and it's almost as good as living it again. I get what we call "the stomachy thing" every time I think of a special moment. I will truly treasure them all. But now they make me feel sort of melancholy. Life is so good, man, why is it so good and bad at the same time? I'm a schizo or something! *smirk* Sorry, I don't have much time to blog this weekend.. don't expect anything new until Sunday, sometime.
posted by Melike at 03:30
Thursday, July 26, 2001
I went to school dressed like a goth today.. :) Hehe! I couldn't help it! I wanted to wear the tank top that I bought yesterday (from Old Navy!) and I didn't want to wear jeans under it because that would be too, uh.. simple? Well, the tank top is red white and black, and since I had a black long skirt I had to wear that.. and for a jacket, well, I didn't have neither a red jacket nor a white jacket, and the denim jacket didn't really go, so I *had* to wear a black thingy over it! It's really nice actually, this lacey thing.. hard to describe, but it looks gothic. And, well, black shoes under it, duh.. but it looked pretty. Yay! I like my hair! Oh and you know what? The French essay *was* due yesterday, so I hope the teacher didn't get too confused and just assumed that I thought the composition was due on Tuesday, since I didn't turn in anything yesterday. Oh, and yesterday my chem teacher had cancelled class for a mysterious reason, but we don't care as long as we get a day off! All evening I felt stressed, like I was supposed to go to a class or something. Staying home doing nothing on a weekday felt like I was ditching class.. I guess I just got accustomed to not having any time on weekdays! I told you I was a nutcase! I used to adjust well to change when I was young.. oh well.. I had a dream!! It was one of those dreams that I like.. the long, cute, sweet ones where my wishes come true!! Those dreams where you wake up and think to yourself, "Damn!" I would have written it in my diary but.. well.. I had school to go to. So I should write it down now, huh.. since I promised myself I would. But dreams like that are cool.. sometimes they help me make decisions, or make something clearer.. *smiles* French is so silly! "Mangeaient" is pronounced the same way as "mangé." Haha!!
posted by Melike at 16:08
Tuesday, July 24, 2001
Mm, bad day, baad day. It's not like anything bad happened.. in fact, I got a 99% on my French midterm, but I just feel lousy. I need sleep but I'm gonna go study for my chemistry test that starts in two hours and 24 minutes. You know, I don't think the French essay was due today.. Maybe I read it wrong. But I swear I thought the paper said Tuesday.. well.. mardi, to be exact. *smirk* Well, I don't want to check it right now, and besides, so what if it's turned in early? At least it isn't late. *sighs* ...yeah. Okay, I better start studying now.. bye.
posted by Melike at 16:36
*reads her French essay for one last time, makes small changes, then prints it* Haha.. The teacher's gonna think I'm such a weirdo.. I talk about how I made tv screen cutouts, then sat behind them and made tv shows.. it also talks about how I named every bird that came to my window, and how I talked to them about things, and how I made puppet shows for them.. "Ils étaient mon auditoire!" They were my audience! Haha.. And how I couldn't sleep at night because my room was right above the garage entrance, so whenever somebodyd the gate it would wake me up. I talked about how I used to surround a corner of my room with chairs and pillows and called it my house. Also, I talked about how I wasn't really skinny because I ate ice cream every day and always ordered the double cheeseburger menu whenever I went to McDonald's.. yeah, those weren't very healthy days. I mentioned my dozens of notebooks that I drew in, and how I aspired to be a famous cartoonist someday. I also said I didn't have friends, but I could live without friends. Oh how I envy that about my past self now.. I could entertain myself so well that I was independent.. I didn't need other people to make me feel like I was the most amazing person in the world! Argh.. anyway, that was my essay, pretty much. I hope the teacher likes it, damn it. Wah. Okay, I gotta do homework now.. Mom getting mad.. gr.. actually, no.. gr me! I gotta stop this stupid computer addiction.
posted by Melike at 00:18
Monday, July 23, 2001
Agh.... baaaad bad pain... I've been feeling sick ever since towards the end of the chemistry lab tonight.. I've been writhing in pain for over 1.5 hours! I have the worst stomachache... I just want to sit down and cry! What sucks is that I have homework to do. I bet none of this would have happened if I had slept soundly last night.. I think it was too hot or something, or maybe there was something wrong with me.. I was sleepy, but I had a pretty restless night, and kept tossing and turning.. And I'd actually gone to bed at 11:00.. pretty early for me. I wanted to start the week with enough sleep, but just the opposite happened and I've been wanting to sleep all day. Now, I'm feeling pretty melancholy and wishing that I didn't have homework to do.. it would be nice to just put on my pyjamas, hop into bed, and talk to an old friend on the phone. Man, even the thought of that feels so nice.. But anyway, yay! Three weeks of chem and four weeks of French left! It's over halfway done! And last week's chem tests were all success stories.. 79/80, 42/40, and 20/20. Those are three of the tests I took last week, and there's also the French midterm I took on Friday.. I'm gonna get those results tomorrow. I hope I did well on that too. Well, I know I did well, but I hope I got a 100. Too impossible? Anything is possible, after managing to not make any stupid mistakes in my nomenclature quiz (the one out of 20)! I'm pretty absentminded most of the time and these things happen to me.. and.. well.. they happen to everyone else, too. And now I am having problems connecting to gurlmail. Grr, damn it. Let me finish this entry so I can quit Explorer and re-launch it. Bye..
posted by Melike at 23:55
Ack! Nuruddin sent me a big file and nobody was able to send me e-mail after that! I hope nobody sent anything after him.. heh.. ehem. Something that makes my hair shine, that isn't mayonnaise.. While you're in the shower, rinse your hair with vinegar water! But then rinse that too, so you won't smell. And hey!! Now my hair actually smells like shampoo, instead of mayonnaise, dead fish, vinegar.. whatever! My hair has been really shiny lately though.. *smiles* I just love looking down at it when I'm in the sun.. oh hair! *hugs it tightly* You're my only friend! *sniffle, blows her nose in her hair* ew.. okay, maybe not. I'm so happy, my chemistry test this week is postponed till tomorrow, so I can study tonight! Man I still have this assignment to do though.. grr, boo. I don't want to do it! But.. I shall. But, since I'm being lazy, I will have to postpone that until later, and that will mean I won't have time to practice my piano today.. I'm trying to decide on what to do.. Sacrificing my daily hour of piano practice (on purpose) seems too cruel.. but, technically, I am sleepy, so I could have just slept.. So let's substitute "lying around doing nothing time" for "sleep time" so that means "sleep time" was going to replace "piano time" anyway, so.. bye bye piano! I hate procrastinating.. it makes my stomach do flips.. but I also like doing it.. because I don't like not procrastinating.. hehe. What a predicament I am in.
posted by Melike at 16:32
So, the closing statement for today.. Damn! I was going to watch the Rugrats thingy on Nick at 8 and I forgot!! Grr! I suck! *cries* Man, now I won't ever see the Rugrats all grown up! ROAR! *sniffle* And now, time for beddy-bye. I love bloggin'. Today has been a good self-reflection day. I like doing that. Okay. Bye now.
posted by Melike at 01:39
Sunday, July 22, 2001
YAY! Finally, after 4 and a half hours, the essay is done! Yahahaha! I checked everything, and I hope I haven't missed anything. Well, too bad if I did. I'm not reading that thing again! Yay two pages! (Well.. double spaced.) Man.. took me hell of a time to do. And just because I've been doing word count a lot today, this one was 515 words.. haha. So sad when compared to my regular ramblings.. but they're ramblings nonetheless!! Oh, and I saw Sebnem Ferah in one of Teoman's music videos because they were singing a duet, and yay! I hadn't seen what she looked like in two years, and two years ago she'd dyed her hair red and straightened it.. and it looked so cool.. and now her hair is longer so the brown grew out so it looks really cool, sorta like it faded into red.. and her hair has big waves now and it looks so cool. Yay long wavy hair!
posted by Melike at 23:48
Woohoo! I think the French writer's block is over! I laughed out loud when I remembered that I used to TALK to myself all the time! Now I have new material to write about.. I can write about how I made tv shows.. I'd made a tv screen cut out from a piece of paper and I had taped that onto my desk.. then I'd go under the desk, behind the screen, and make tv shows.. sometimes I'd make my parents sit across from me and watch the show.. hehe.. it was so funny.. I made news shows, commercials, soap operas, puppet shows, etc.. Man, I was such a cute kid! My French isn't that advanced to say all that yet, but at least I can write one more paragraph now.. I just need one more paragraph and I'm done!
posted by Melike at 21:44
Hm, I'm not so good in French as I am in English.. I can write 1141 English words in about half an hour, I think it was, and it took me two and a half hours to write 353 words in French! Grr! This is frustrating.. but I'm having fun amusing myself. Most of the time I just sit here and think.. and whenever I actually think about the topic I'm supposed to think about, I write.
posted by Melike at 21:12
Haha.. I just did a word count to see which entry was longer, the one I wrote today or the mayonnaise one. The results.. mayonnaise: 902 today: 968 Wow! I would have guessed that the mayonnaise one had won.. I'm getting better at this.. woohoo! Also, the two things I posted on the messageboard.. I wanna see which one's longer.. history of turkey/ottoman empire: 1047 short description of me: 1141 Wow! Wrong again! Man, that is sooo cool. *big happy grin* I rule. Okay, back to French.
posted by Melike at 19:57
I have a piece of dead skin hanging off the roof of my mouth. I hate it when that happens! It usually happens when I eat something hot, and it hurts. And it hurts more when I keep flipping it back and forth with my tongue, but I can't help it! My tongue automatically feels everything that's inside my mouth.. grr. It is so retarded. Anyway, I'm really bored. Most of the time I just sit here and stare at my reflection on the computer screen. It looks like I have bags under my eyes but I think it's just the lighting. I'm listening to Californication and trying to type this essay. I have two paragraphs so far. We have to write about our childhood, and I'm one of those weird moods again.. the mood that I get whenever I have to write something in a foreign language. I'm writing about how I talked to birds that came to my window and how I made them presentations on different things, like how to use a pencil. I named every single one of them, too. Oh, I should write about how I made puppet shows for them, too. Man, *grins* I'm such a dork.. those were the good old days!! But I'm growing impatient. I can't come up with a lot to say and this is driving me crazy. Well, it's better than not doing anything at ALL.. and hey, this is due on Tuesday.. I am so good, no?! Haha!
posted by Melike at 19:51
This stupid layout has gotten really old really fast. I hate it I hate it I hate it! I'm gonna change it... sometime.. maybe soon, maybe not. I'm trying to write a French essay, but I'm bored. I've written two sentences so far and I already have writer's block. Ack. Sometimes I really do believe that I am a mental nutcase. I've been trying to go to Blogger but I kept on typing "gurlmail.com" in the navigation bar without knowing, and I was so confused when it kept taking me there. And that happened, like, three times in a row. I was so frustrated. What's sad is that I already had gurlmailon another browser window.. I usually surf with two windows because I'm too impatient so I go to a page while another one is loading. I waste so much time. Now that I think about it, really, what do I do all day? Let's say I practice piano for an hour, and do homework.. for an our or two or something.. on a Sunday. I really don't do anything else. What do other people do? I've always wanted to know. When I'm old enough to buy my own equipment, I'm gonna install cameras in someone's house and watch what they do all day. Stalking people is fun.. sometimes. *looks at her bookshelf* Maybe I should read all those books I've bought months, years ago. I wish I drew again. I sort of envy those who draw and draw and draw all the time, then they have all these useless sketches, but it's just so cool to be able to do that. I used to be like that, now I only draw if I'm really really really in the mood and I feel like I'm gonna explode if I don't draw. But that doesn't happen too often anyway. Who would explode from not drawing? It's impossible. Maybe it's just exploding from other things, but.. exploding isn't.. wait, is, the word I'm looking fo-kay, I'm really bored of writing this. New subject. People all feel the same things. We all think, "Oh my God, this feeling is so original, I bet I'm the only person in the world who feels this, nobody understands, boohoo." But really now, you're not that original. Everybody's felt like that at some point in their lives. Stop being so selfish. What do you have that others don't? Sure all our personalities are different but we're all the same. We all feel the same things, we just express it differently. And I guess there might be some exceptions, but those people usually have mental problems. Actually mental problems are so cool. I just want to grab a psychology book and read it cover to cover. Research on the internet is too tedious and I don't know.. it's tiring. At least, it wasn't as tiring before, but now it is. I remember in 9th grade I did a research on depression just because I was interested, and my parents thought I was depressed or something. Anyway, it was really interesting to read all those things.. I've taken notes on it somewhere but I forgot most of it now. I'm not really good at dealing with depressed people anyway.. I just can't cheer them up. And, well, depressed is the wrong word here, like, whenever somebody is upset. I used to talk to that person, and sort of make them feel more secure, more hopeful, but now I just sit at the phone and say, "Well.... I don't know what to say.. I really can't do anything about the subject, I'm sorry.. Do you wanna talk about.." something random. It usually doesn't work. In fact, I'm not that good of a conversationalist. I'm just one of those people who like to listen. Sometimes people, when they're upset, want to just talk to someone who will listen. But if you don't talk to them, why would they talk to you? Wouldn't they rather have someone they're closer to listen to their problems? Besides, listening is only half the job. After listening, you just have to give advice. And you can't do that.. I mean I can't.. some people can. It's just so hard. I used to. But those people don't turn to me anymore. I guess there are those who are better than me at this. I stopped talking to people a while ago. I don't call anybody anymore, I just don't want to. I used to want to talk on the phone all day. Now I don't want to talk.. or maybe I just want to listen. But what is the point in calling someone if you don't want to talk? Nobody calls to listen. That would be stupid, unless you knew that the person had something in particular to talk about. Man, what am I talking about. I'm not making sense. Well I am, but why am I writing this down? Geez! It's like, duh. And right now I'm also pissed because pears are sweeter than peaches, so the peaches taste all crappy now. I might as well finish the pears first so that when I get to the last piece of peach, it'll be sweet tasting again. Anyway, the mayonnaise effect hasn't worn off, I guess. This is my second long essay-like thing I've written today. And I have to write a third, actually, the French one. Oh good news, in the process of writing this blog entry, I've added two sentences to it. Whoopee. It has to be two pages.. but double spaced. I'll make myself feel better by writing a whole page single-spaced, then double spacing it. Mwaha. I'll probably write here once in a while because I usually do that whenever I'm doing a long homework assignment. Bye for now.
posted by Melike at 18:31
I just came back from seeing Legally Blonde with some friends. It was sooo funny! I think it was too girly for the guys though.. I mean.. yeah.. haha. But I guess they laughed at the funny parts (well.. the funniest parts) and.. I guess that's good.. Sorry, I don't have much to say. I've been conflicted lately. Well, about nothing in particular, I'm just confused. I like to think. :) It's fun. Today a woman tried to drive a baby carriage at me while I was crossing the street but I dodged it and she laughed or something. Psycho. There. That's it for now. Bye!
posted by Melike at 00:40
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