"I tell you that you had better chop off that bandaged left hand of yours with your bandaged right hand, and then pass the chopper on to Wemmick there, to cut that off too." - Mr. Jaggers, from
Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
"Don't make me pull your ears, Carlos.. And it looks like there's a lot of ear to pull." - Mr. Megaffin
"I don't like my head. It aches sometimes and it's dumb." - Andrea
"Do you burble as you come?" - Aimee
"Ahhh! My butt's numb! Hold on, I need to get up and shake it." - Andrea
"*gargles her saliva in a most unladylike fashion and yells incomprehensible stuff in her monster voice while foaming at the mouth*" - me
"Man.. I need to update my brain." - Andrea
"Augh.. *rips out her teeth and smashes them into itsy bitsy miniscule pieces and laughs hysterically and maniacally*" - Jocelyn
"Grr.. my back hurts from doing this horse!" - Jocelyn
"According to my friends, my hands are doughy and if they put my hands inside an oven my hands would rise like dough and get baked, then they'd break off my fingers and eat them like breadsticks." - me
"*hands the bucket of amputated parts to Jocelyn* You might want these; and I would suggest consulting a plastic surgeon." - Aimee
"You know, talking too much makes my teeth sharp." - me
"My brain only works out of habit; my body has already stopped." - Nicole
"Has your eyelid twitched lately?" - Aimee
"There's something stuck in my gums, and.. ah, I'm making myself bleed. I do that a lot." - Jocelyn
"My hand is shaking.. At first I thought the mouse was vibrating, then I said, 'Hey -- that's me.'" - Jocelyn
"Well I think everyone should just forget their obligations and just break it down.. shake that booty!" - Andrea
"Nawww, can't kick asses.. that would be mean to the asses." - Andrea
"Once I was home alone and I was dancing in the livingroom, and I fell on the hardwood floor and I couldn't get up. I twisted my knee, and when my Mom got home an hour later she laughed at me." - Nicole
"Sometimes I have nightmares that my ankles can't support my body and my feet explode." - Nicole
"Woland! Why don't you let your brain in on what your hormones are filming, huh?" - Aimee
"Yay for funny guts!" - Jocelyn
"My aorta's twitching!" - me
"Some people just aren't worth having their opposable thumbs!" - Tom
"Excuse me, what does your umbilical scar look like? Does it cave in like a gaping mouth? Or does protrude like a sausage entrail?" - Aimee
"I think my legs are broken. I can see that the bone has teared through the skin, and the wound is beginning to smell a little like almonds. This is not good." - Steven
"This is a powerful base, so be careful while using it. If you feel a soapy tingling sensation on your fingers, that's your skin disintegrating." - Mr. Gaida
"Gotta love those rotting bodies." - Sophie
"It would be just horrible if I ever dated a guy with a foot fetish. It would be a doomed relationship from square one." - Sophie
"I never noticed guys' butts until I started dating one.. I mean a guy, not a butt." - Sophie
"You give me looks as if you want to disembowel me. Not that I don't love a good disemboweling, but..." - Charles
"Hey! You like your thumbs? You wanna keep 'em?" - Mrs. Wright
"I just cut myself with our brand new knives, and my thumb audibly popped when the blade went through." - Reed
"Have you ever looked at the floor where your toenail is and moved your toenail and the floor shoots up at your face?" - Reed
"It's like a cold slap to the groin." - Steven
"I have to get my thyroid medicated." - Christa
"Dude my crotch is all sweaty. It's starting to creep me out. brb. So I can see I still haven't lost my touch with the ability of grossing you out, eh? Muhahahaha." - Steven
"I was thinking about controlling my rectum so that the fart comes out just right." - Jonathan, when I asked him what he was thinking about
"I'm gonna transplant your liver to Jonathan's face." - Aimee
"They will be pleasantly surprised, unless your teeth fall out with the braces." - Reed
"One of my wisdom teeth is coming out, bottom right side. It's like I'm going through puberty again. Geez. Teeth growing in and everything." - Jonathan
"See, I'm a nose person. I'm attracted to noses, and he doesn't have much of one." - me
"Did I tell you that I grinded my teeth so hard at night that I had to get a root canal? Crazy, huh? And then they made me wear a splint, and then I grinded two holes in the splint." - Andrea
"Your ass is so grabbable. I just wanna slap it." - me
"Actually, I'm kinda scared. Last time I worked with you, you nearly broke my fingers." - Max
"A girl I thought was hot showed her beer belly today. Immediate turnoff forever, especially since she called it a beer belly!" - Lawson
"I can't talk right now. My tongue gets dry." - Jose
"I scraped my knee like a nine-year-old." - Christa
"Okay, let me go into an alcove and look at my ass." - Tulasi
"Man, my ex-hernia hurts a lot lately, and I hope it's okay." - Christa
"My breast hurts. This one." - Jocelyn
"If that's the answer, I'm gonna eat my own appendix." - Jocelyn
"Today a piece of my finger fell off, you know that? I didn't understand. I looked down and there was a piece flapping around." - my dad
"It's like the veins in my brain all dried up." - my mom
"His nose looks bigger when he has more hair." - Tulasi
"Dude, my ass is multi-lobed. True story. It's so nasty, like vomitorious." - Tulasi
"My thighs aren't muscular; they're thundrous." - Marta
"My bladder can't handle the activities." - Marta
"My feet feel yellow." - Tim
"My nose has too much not-friction." - Milo
"Aw, my ear! It fell off! You talked it off." - Dan
"You want an ass-kicking, John? Just a tiny ass-kicking? Just kick one lobe off?" - Andrew
