"You shall not harm my dearest, o foul ruffian! I am allowing you one chance to continue on your way to the nearest mental hospital before I amforced to become medieval on your backside." - Sean, from
The Claris Project
"And who are you? What kind of prophet are you? From the height of what majestic tranquility do you utter these oracular prophecies?" - Raskolnikov, from Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
"I am from the states. I speak English. And according to mellon over there not very well. If I don't even speak my native language good then HOW CAN I POSSIBLY KNOW WHAT SOME TURKISH WORD MEANS!!!!!!" - Diji
"One time when the family was here.....I hopped out of my room and flew down the stairs and just ran around in circles screaming. Man, they've never looked at me the same again.." - Diji
"Crope and Tibbett, as if on cue, launched into some silly banter about their professional goals of being abducted by pirates of the desert and made to dance the fandango dressed only in slave shackles." - Wicked, by Gregory Maguire
"People never believe me when I die... I mean lie." - me
"I don't compose, dahling.. I compeuse." - me
"It is I, the Unquotable One." - Kai
"Corpsy looking things are cool." - me
"Aluminum foil is flammable.. Well, only when it explodes." - Nicole
"Who cares? We're buying customers!!" - me
"I say four more years on Clinton, who cares who he sleeps with?" - Ms. Franke
"It's not 2:00, it's 2:11." - my mom
"I look away for five minutes, then I look back and my five minutes are gone!" - me
"Okay -- I'm sending you his picture. But don't barf. It's bad for the monitor." - Hande
"My sister, Mrs. Joe, with black hair and eyes, had such a prevailing redness of skin that I sometimes used to wonder whether it was possible she washed herself with a nutmeg-grater instead of soap." - Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
"I want to be a stupid guy. A really, REALLY stupid guy." - Kai
"Monkeys aren't humans, and neither is George Bush." - Kai
"My Mom is taking me on a cruise to Mexico for Spring Break. She only knows cuss words in Spanish. So it should be fun!" - Nicole
"I'm CHELSEA, come on... The worst thing I've done is step on an ant!!! Chelsea does not equal slut, you know?" - Chelsea
"I keep smelling something funny everywhere I go. Today I realized it might be me." - Nicole
"I just discovered something -- you can't wash your face with glasses on." - my dad
"Where are the narcotics I deserve? Damn it! What's wrong with this world? Everyone in my Spanish class has weed but when I finally need something to relieve my pain not a single drug!" - Nicole
"People say that time is money.. I say that time is minutes." - Nuruddin
"I should have a TV show. Who else thinks of middle aged bald men in khaki jumping on wild animals for high school crushes?" - Nicole
"You should touch them sometime when I wear them, they feel nice! ..or, I'll bring them to school in a sterilized bag so you won't be freaked out by touching my legs." - me, about my pants
"I'm not annoying and stupid! You're annoyed and stupided!" - Nuruddin
"I am going to be on television.. and not the kind where you turn your television off and you see your reflection in it.. I mean the real television!" - Nuruddin
"I went to see a movie called the Mummy with my cousin. It was pretty good, but some parts were really disgusting.. but what can I say, it takes place in Egypt." - Hande
"Computers let you make more mistakes faster than any other invention in
human history, with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila." - unknown
"I am a really bad guy. After all, I'm Muslim and from a third world country. Whats my point? I am a terrorist!" - Nuruddin
"What do you mean 'Get over the depression phase?' May I remind you, missy, it took the US, actually the whole world approximately 10 years (1930's) to get out of depression ... I am just one man!!" - Nuruddin
"Did you have a filter on when God was giving out brains?" - Nuruddin
"Damn you... You beat my post by 32 seconds." - Kai, about the message board
"The last time I said, 'Oh you're so cute!' a dog mooed at me." - Anya
"Shut up and play Snood." - Jae
"You can't get any more pessimistic than that.. and that in itself is a pessimistic statement." - me
"Hmmm, I feel like seeing my name on a web page...I'm gonna go see my quote!" - Anya
"Life wouldn't be nearly as neurotic or odd without people like you!" - Eva, on a birthday card
"Of course they don't think it looks skanky, they're guys!" - Anya
"Don't judge, just opinionize.. they're two different things, right?" - Soha
"He's so cute! He reminds me of a baby dinosaur." - me
"I'll be back - I'm going to dispose of my nitrogenous wastes." - Garrett
"I love HTML, it's so cute!" - me
"FTP is cute!!" - me
"I can't sleep comfortably because whenever I put my face on the pillow my eyebrows get messed up." - me
"You eat so slowly; it's so cute. You remind me of a grazing animal - so peaceful." - Aimee
"If all my friends jumped off a bridge, I wouldn't have any friends; I'd be depressed so I'd jump off too." - Max
"You okay, Melike? You're doing that staring off into space thing again." - Lawson
"The problem with being content is that you don't move." - me
"You've been great eye candy for the past two weeks." - me
"Intonation is like body odor; nobody's going to tell you about it. That doesn't mean you don't stink." - I forgot
"All babies are ugly. They're like short little fat bald men." - Chris
"No, I can't do it at this age. I've already used up all my brains." - my dad
"It has been determined that you are a nutcase. I used to think you were such a normal, decent woman." - my dad
"You know you go to a women's college when you change right in front of the door of your room and don't think twice about the fact that it's wide" - Rachel
"My future fiancˇe will look at my mom's photo album of me and say, 'He's so boring,' and then call off the wedding." - Brent
"Do you have a band-aid? I stabbed myself with a pencil. In my ankle." - Avi
"Yes, but there's something they don't know about us -- we're insane." - my mom
"I'm not that ignorant of music. I'm not one of those people who see a treble clef and call it a sharp." - my mom
"Why don't people distribute themselves more evenly across the countryside?" - Kosslyn and Koenig
"I'm easily amused. I mean, shove a rock in my face and I'll be amused." - me
"I could even record my own voice and put them over whales that swam across the screen." - me
"You know what's weird? I've known her since like 5th grade but I didn't go to Lincoln, so we pretend like we don't know each other." - Roger Li
"I guess this is the time of the year when all the girls feel like this." - Roger Li
"You know who's coming to the mall this morning at 9:00? Santa." - my mom
"Rrrrrr. Can that be my quote?" - Amy
"I'm laughing at the air." - Cassie
"Beeping crotch, I'm so sorry!" - Eric, when his cell phone rang during a rehearsal
"Sorry, I thought you just left this world for the next." - Tigran
"Hello. I just walked by my comp and I decided to say hello. Good bye." - Tigran
"We're joking, Philene. Get a life." - Levi
"Wait until Friday, and aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" - Roger Li
"Stupid humans. Why did we have to evolve? We ruined the world." - Zack
"Crap Christmas is in 2 days and I have to buy my family presents with money that doesn't exist. Fart." - Aileen
"Move along, stop coughing at the same spot!" - my mom, when my dad had a fit of coughing in front of the house
"I hate to make everyone fight over my stupid name. I'll just change my name to Rumplestilsken or something and everyone won't have to worry." - Gus
"I looked in the mirror and I love you." - Tigran
"I don't know why anyone would like girls. I, personally, think they're despicable." - me
"So at the rally outside City Hall last week, one of the speakers said, 'Make love, not war,' and there was this little old lady (like, 70) standing in front of me and she started giggling and was all, 'Yeah! That's what I want!'" - Sally
"Well, there aren't many secluded patches of grass in the world." - Jesse
"I AM A CHILD OF MAGIC AND WAS GIVEN A GIFT A GIFT OF BEING TIGRAN THE GREATEST" - Tigran's away message
"Take it off, Eric -- let me see those legs!" - Sally
"Bassoons remind me of Amazon jungles." - me
"It's different judging a person than judging a pair of pants." - Sally
"I'm gorgeous. I'm often regarded as a natural wonder of the world." - Chris
"Yeah... Uhh... Congratulations, you're weird." - Rusty
"Today I was talking on the phone to my friend Julia and I said something like 'Yeah, we should work on some music together this summer.' And there was just silence. Then I said 'Um, I dunno, I thought it sounded fun.' Silence. 'Well, okay. . .' Silence. 'Hello?' And that's when I realized Julia's phone had run out of batteries and I was talking to nobody. Woo-hoo!" - Tom P.
"You know how cats sometimes kinda fold their legs underneath them so they just look like a blob with a head? Today I saw a deer doing that and I did about a triple take. I didn't know they were so bendable!" - Tom P.
"Yes the dead truly do not deserve any respect. They contribute nothing to society. Well they might contribute indirectly (ie. Decomposed bodies---> fertilizer for plants----> plants freshen air quality for those who are not dead and lazy), but still they are worthless. Besides, it's definitely ok to say bad things about dead people because what are they gonna do? come attack you??? HAHA they can't move! What worthless morons..." - John
"Charles, I love you! And I mean that in a purely homosexual way." - Eric
"Cecily, when she was gay, which she's not anymore, liked her and did drugs to be near her, and now it's all over." - Chelsea
"I just want to sit on my bed and read Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, so I will. Who's gonna stop me, huh? C'mon, bring it!" - Tom
"If you look up at the sky and point your snorkel at it like this, it makes you feel like a pirate. Yarrr." - me
"Hey, I think I saw you walking down Montana. Is your hair shorter? It looks so good! You look so good!" - Maureen
"Yes, I do own a pair of pants." - Mr. Gaida
"We're laughing with you, Wendy." - Mr. Gaida
"Geez, I'm the fountain of freakin' humor when I'm in a homicidal rage." - Sophie
"Sophie woke up and started cussing me out because she thought I was talking about her badly and all I said was 'She's asleep.'" - Eva
"I am NOT a dog person. I just happen to own three." - Sophie
"Damn, I can't draw people dying and bleeding." - EiKo of the Strata
"If you believe it's wrong to listen behind doors but perfectly all right to crackold women's skulls with whatever comes to hand whenever you feel like it, you'd best take off to America, the quicker the better!" - Svidrigailov, from Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
"Are infants to be nutcrackered into their tombs, and is nobody to save them?" - Matthew Pocket, from Great Expectations by Charles Dickens
"We need to form the STNFNI! (Stop The Nutcrackers From Nutcrackering Infants) Who's with me?! awwww.....that's so sad..." - David
"One day - it was little long time ago - actually when i was 8, we had an argument on something, and they told me to get naked and get out of house.... and I did.. and cops came.. Oh man, it was a total mess." - Jae, about his parents
"That's how all surgeons are! In the emergency room, even when the patient is conscious, they'll cut away as long as the patient doesn't say a word!" - my mom, about my dad
"People suck. But don't worry; you're not a person, you're scum." - me
"There is no laughter, no fun.. only happiness!" - Lawson
"No, you don't want me to, so I will cry and shake my fist." - Emil
"I hate it when kids chase birds! I've always hated it! How would you like it if I chased you around?" - me
"Hee hee, I have an optical mouse on a wood-grain surface.. It's totally flipping out." - Daniel
"Yeah, there is a surprising amount of really ugly people." - Emil
"It's supposed to inspire you, the pain." - Kai
"He makes Rusty look like an Abercrombie model." - Jeff
"I was trying to hurt her feelings. A very useful teaching tool. Humiliation, sarcasm..." - Mr. Thais
"I smell like a fresh rose on a beautiful summer day after a bee has just pollinated it." - Chris
"The new eye make-up remover I got is less effective than my own saliva. Not kidding." - me
"Holay mother of Moses, I swear to god, when I started taking French, my English spelling went...PFFTT. Right down the virtual drain." - Chris
"People that have been around sometimes have relics of their past in the form of diseases." - Danny
"Now... this is a very sexy chord." - Prof. Shadle
"I will not have you deface Columbus. He gets enough shit for discovering America by accident." - Danny
"All day I've felt like I've had a pencil behind my ear." - Tom
"Did I ever tell you that if I marry a Japanese chick I'm gonna learn German and make my child only speak Polish? If he speaks anything else I will yell at him in Chinese to confuse him, and then laugh. With a Polish accent." - Chris
"Snowboarding is like childbirth; it's so painful the first time." - Danny
"You're like a complex piece of music; beautiful but hard to read." - Chris
"I watched the entire Godfather trilogy in the past three days, and now am filled with the urge to dress up in fancy suits and shoot people." - Andrew
"Posiblemente voy a steal you y take you surfing." - James
"Okay, well, I hope you feel better after you start feeling bad." - Tom
"Tea is the best drink in the world. Better than Coke, better than Pepsi... Tea is very good for you. I drink tea all the time. I look good, right? I'm a living example!" - my Chinese teacher
"The only reason I didn't go up to you and say hi was because I had a girly manga in my hand so I hid behind some shelves." - me
"Don't make me pee on your head." - Timmy
"I think I can do 5 today -- I'll touch base with my constituents and send you my findings before lunch." - Robyn
"I have countdown to Christmas underwear, but I wear them all throughout the year. And I'm Jewish!" - Rachel
"Sometimes you should give advice even when you know it's not going to be listened to." - my mom
"I've found that traffic rules are mere suggestions here. At first it's alarming, but then it's very liberating." - John, about Boston
"To finish first, first you must finish. We could spend all term looking for the 'perfect candidate' like you could invest time in fixing all the bugs in a set of code, but at the end, you only get stuck in a infinite loop, wrapped in an enigma, smothered in secret sauce and not marching forward. Actions, not words or opinions, are what get things done." - Jose
"They think they're subtle. They wouldn't know subtle if it slapped them in the face." - me
"Do you ever get free samples of cosmetics and think that it's moisturizer and then put it all over your face, and your face starts to feel very... stiff... then you realize it's old lady's wrinkle creme?" - Jamie
"I want to be a senator, but my parents hate politics.. they'd kill me, so I haven't told them yet. And I don't think I'd ever get elected. You have to be attractive to get people to vote for you... so maybe after some plastic surgery.. and then I'd get to be like 40 and have to have botox all the time... have you seen politicians' faces lately? They can't smile right anymore.." - Jamie
"It will be updated sporadically. This means I will probably update it once a year with two pages." - me, about my comic
"If you ever IM me you should say 'hey' and wait for a response before saying sensitive stuff that could get my ass kicked, ok? I didn't even read what you wrote last night because she was over, and I was afraid something about her might have been in it." - Chris
"Today I went into the men's section in the Gap and I wanted to be a man." - me
"I haven't taken a shower yet, although I crawled in a duct lined with weird metal mesh that was rusting and disintegrating. I'm not going to back to the Tetanus Tunnel anytime soon, and probably never. I'm pretty damn sure about that." - Derric
"Thanks!! Yahoo! Yabba dabba doooo!!!" - me
"I'm Gilligan. I have on the red long sleeve collared shirt, and white pants, and hat!!" - Phil
"You know it's a good day when snow can go down your pants." - Phil
"People suck. This is why I sit in my room all day." - me
"I ran out of windshield wiper fluid. A tractor trailer was my savior when it kicked up water on my windshield." - Chris
"I love my job. I found a yucky bug in the system today. I got mucho praise from one of the engineers. Actually I found a couple bugs. I am the r0ck." - Chris
"I know five languages. I know English, Spanish, C++, Scheme, a little bit of Java..." - Zach
"It's all been about goals. I've reached my desired pants size, then my desired weight, and now I go for hotness." - Lawson
"Phuong was a bit tardo with computer stuff. Every time I tried explaining something, it was like 'Hello... earth to dumb chick.'" - Chris
"Everyone must know about correct eyebrow pluckage!" - me
"By the way, let me know if you need a bible." - Cem
"I met guys in a friend way! That hasn't happened in so long!!!!" - Lawson
"I've seen ants with better haircuts." - Chris
"It's Superbowl tomorrow! I get to drink again!" - Adam
"I love it when they show bars. We don't know what drunk people look like, right?" - Will, about the news on Superbowl
"I learned from Kim. She just yells directions and walks away." - Matt, on being a leader
"I don't wanna beat this dead horse, and make it go... dead." - Prof. Harvey
"Saxophones are like the workhorse in the band, just like how the strings are in an orchestra. More notes per square inch... but not more money." - Prof. Harvey
"Most people don't have MIT pianos." - Prof. Harvey
"Those weird square things were for when they had ukeleles. Now nobody plays them except for Tiny Tim." - Prof. Harvey, about a lead sheet
"It's not a last-minute excuse like 'I took a shit in my pants' or something." - Jose
"Well why don't you just cry yourself a riverdance?" - Jose
"I just don't like people who piss on their foot and say it's raining." - Jose
"He's not a real purple person." - Matt (he meant people person)
"The doctor treating me like a freakshow didn't help my depression, either." - online friend
"I highlight my agenda in three different colors according to order of importance." - Jose
"C triple D. That sounds like a bra size." - me, on CDDD
"Wow, I haven't been turned on by a video game in a looooong time." - Lawson
"My life consists of video games, and preparing to play video games." - Bob
"There are people who've killed families for these shirts." - Jose
"No, you know how bad I am at choosing music - like my weird Cuban taste." - Dayan
"Dude, the P.S. totally burst my bubble like a Cuban iguana walking on a sandy beach and stepping all over a man-o-war (jellyfish)." - Dayan
"People think I'm odd, but they're right." - me
"Does anyone want a set of 12 blue glasses? They're clean! I just hate
cleaning them. See, that's the problem with nice shit, you always have to
keep it clean. FTS." - Zach
"Last year he had this haircut that made him look like a refugee because he used to wear that shirt that was full of holes." - Will
"Sightreading is hard. Tap your foot. You can't do it in classical music, but you'd better do it in jazz or you're dead." - Prof. Harvey
"J, right? J as in the first part of the alphabet." - Prof. Harvey
"If you want to spam, just forward it to me and I'll spam everyone and their mom." - Matt
"I'm efficient but not cheap." - Jose
"You want me to shower right after we had an earthquake? I'll jump out of the bathroom like Archimedes." - my mom
"I make friends with just about anything." - Soha
"Women are too moody. If women ruled the world, there'd be brutal executions one day and world peace parades the next." - Chris
"It takes a special person to pull off a red fro." - Sally
"Nothin' wrong with that, I'm drinking a margarita with my shirt off, so I know the feeling." - Lawson
"I always tell the truth... I just extend it sometimes." - Soha
"Damn, if only I were a girl, I'd sooo marry him." - Lawson
"We only have one word for day. It's 'day.'" - Tim
"At times like these, I want to be Russell Crowe in LA Confidential, pull the guy out of the car, and beat the crap out of him." - my dad
"Do you like how I make fun of human beings?" - Soha
"Why's it crowded? It's Vons." - Soha
"Melike, don't start something you can't stop." - Soha, when I touched her
"That's a real tree, and it's real barks." - Soha
"No kissing you! Go wash your face, and then we can talk." - Soha
"I changed my laugh, too. I had to mold it to society's needs." - Soha
"Dude, are you okay? Your livejournal indicates that there is a 73% chance that you are entirely not." - Sally
"I knew you had redeeming qualities. You're funny for a girl." - Jeff
"Shit. I was trying to carry a chick home, and I dropped her. I feel so bad, she has crap all above her right eye, and on her back and on her head. Damn." - Avi
"She looks like an oversexed dumb looking bookworm." - anonymous
"Damn, I wish I didn't drop this chick tonight. I probably coulda hooked up with her. Now, she'll never hook up with me." - Avi
"I saw the girl I dropped walking outside, and I yelled out my window, 'I'm sorry I dropped you!' She said, 'It's okay.' She's probably full of shit." - Avi
"If they're wearing a shirt, we'll be like, 'You're wearing a shirt.'" - Milo
"See ya later, administrator." - Dayan
"Ohhh if you copyright it, then you're bigger than... my body." - Dayan
"Sometimes, when I wanna feel better about myself, I just go on Hot or Not and give everyone a 1." - Ed
"You're pretty much everything I want to be, only without the Y chromosome." - Timur
"I can't sleep on it. I can't sleep." - John
"You didn't see me when I was younger. I was the ugliest little duckling. I wore pants up to my ribs, and the shirt tucked in. Big glasses, short hair parted to the side. HUGE NERD!" - Milo
"There are too many friends on the world, not enough space." - Tim
"These were the smartest kids, but this one was the dumbest looking kid I've seen in my life." - Marta
"I want you to slowly walk away from Liz, because I wanna talk behind her back." - Kimmel, on the phone
"I wish objects were more tan than they appear while I have my sunglasses on." - Kimmel
"I thought, 'Wow, I wonder if it's possible to kill him from here.'" - Kimmel
"Why don't you go hit that tree over there?" - Marta
"Don't you find it comforting that our fire alarm is broken in half?" - Gita
"I was the president and she was an ass." - Milo, describing a photo
"He's ugly in an ugly way." - Marta
"Sorry for making you show me your batteries. That sounds wrong." - Debashish
"Something is wrong with me. It shouldn't take anyone two hours to get ready and look like this. I don't even look good. I'm wearing jeans and flipflops." - Kimmel
"Facebook takes away the magic of friendship." - Dayan
"It's a skeleton unicyclist with an aerodynamic helmet.. in a flame." - Robyn, describing her drawing
"The abstraction becaomes a bone and it crushes this guy's skull, and oil is dripping out." - Robyn, about another drawing
"I don't know how to act around minorities. It's awkward for me." - Milo, who is Mexican
"I never had a harem, because I was the little gay boy." - Milo
"Melike has a hormone imbalance right now." - Ron Ron
"Oo, add me to your MSN messenger list.. wait I don't wanna talk to you... okay add me." - Andrew
