"He ate clay in a science presentation in 6th grade." - Sally
"Oh, Reed. I'll never forget him throwing up, then eating it all again." - Robert
"He's never setting foot within 50 feet of my kid." - Robert
"He brought a Russian flag to the AP." - Roger Li
"That fool's so crazy. He brought a banjo to school once and we called him ze banjo player." - Roger Li
"How stupid is Melike? She is baroquely stupid." - Reed
"jklasdf. djklsfasdl;fls. Keyboard dance in the key of majorly angry." - Reed
"merry chrishdamn where is the delete button]" - Reed
"Errr.... its in archaic Ottoman Turkish that I had to transcribe from a scroll I found in a beach in Malta so sorry if it was a little off." - Reed
"Damn, just knock out all your teeths and get dentures." - Reed
"His life is one big weird moment." - Jocelyn
"Reed came into my English class today. I laughed just because he walked." - Robert
"I looked over just as he was taking a spoonful of tabasco sauce. It must have been so hot that he was drooling on the table." - Jocelyn
"I was kinda surprised that Mrs. Wright didn't kick me out right away. I stuffed a handful of rubber bands in my mouth before I even sat down." - Reed
"I'm so going there every day and chilling like an antagonist." - Reed
"Boar's head is the best. However, if you're driving, it's a good thing to throw into the convertible in the next lane." - Reed
"Guden nacht, nutty frau." - Reed
"Reed should become a professional stand-up comedian." - Robert
"Sorry about the last part I'm practicing for the international peanut butter brawling on top of a rhinoceras convent of nuns." - Reed
"Ive never am doi8ng drOgas." - Reed
"I don't even know what I cook, I'm just pretty sure it's something or other." - Reed
"Why is he so funny? I don't understand." - Robert
"You don't have to talk to Reed, as funny as he is. It's just like watching another half hour of TV." - Sam
"You're skirting the question like a mulberry bush." - Reed
"I'd do the bass line at your funeral, and then I'd jump in the coffin to make sure they didn't bury your wallet with you." - Reed
"I'll bet a lot of guys would sleep naked if they didn't live with their mothers." - Reed
"He's so sweet, in an extremely disturbed kinda way." - Robert
"Reed wouldn't be too clingy.. he'd be too busy sticking straws up his nose." - Jocelyn
"No way! Reed washed his hands?!!!!!" - Rusty
"I saw spots romp on my retinae afterward when I sneezed fortissimo." - Reed
"He's crazy. People aren't supposed to be like him." - Robert
"Well, I'd kill myself if I woke up one morning and found myself 'normal.'" - Reed
"I also stalk criminals during the night from the roof tops with wolverine claws and sawdust... just to keep the mouth warm. Better than butter." - Reed
"Reed seems like he has a mental disorder but you know he doesn't." - Aimee
"Reed's so funny, I could just die." - me
"He thinks I'm weird!" - me
"I can see Reed as one of those crazy rambling homeless people." - Aimee
"My mom doesn't know I'm crazy, she's just concerned about my grades." - Reed
"What if Reed combs his hair when he gets home?" - Aimee
"We should start tipping Reed. Whenever he does something funny we should give him a tip." - Aimee
"If I lean on my computer it starts a chastizing buzz at me." - Reed
"That's a plan. I mean, not that I am included or have a say about it or anything." - Reed
"His mom is funny. Well... was, it's been a while. I remember she started to cry because she got lost with us in the car. I felt bad, but Reed laughed I think." - Robert
"Ha that happens to everyone except the president of heaven or something." - Reed
"Reed doesn't scare me; the needle does." - Wendy
"Haha I can make my cats respond like human slaves. Point at them means run away, and I can get them to change the emotion in their meow by changing my voice." - Reed
"Sorry I'm late. I changed the clock so it wouldn't look like I was too late." - Reed
"My mom burst into my garage and found me playing video games and she was like 'There's something called High School!'" - Reed
"I DRINK HIS BLOOD! Oh sorry wrong conversation." - Reed
"I want to shoot myself in the head one day, and then stick my hand in and find out that there is no brain there." - Reed
"We took pictures in a closed, dark women's bathroom while Reed did his best to turn it into scenes from a horror movie as he acted out the role of an alien jumping out of stalls." - Brent
"I want Reed to be a homeless. Not really, just for fun." - Aimee
"I love those Jewish people who say 'roshashana' with the first syllable pronounced like 'rose' with a 'sh' instead of 'ross' with a 'sh' sound, and especially when they roll the 'r.' It's so ancient." - Reed
"Yes, Melike, you live your life online here with me." - Reed
"I dunno, the subject changed so quickly I was caught in some sort of mental hurricane." - Reed
"I dunno I get carried away with death and destruction imagery when it comes up in any subject." - Reed
"I almost strangled myself today. I tied my bathrobe around my neck while my friend played a dirge on the guitar, and I couldn't breathe for a while. It was... exhilirating." - Reed
"I like what you said, except WRONG." - Reed
"I'm listening to Debussy, man this guy must be hard to play. I mean there's a million shades of everything." - Reed
"Never stopped me, and I am Melike protomodel." - Reed
"Hooly shaith! my compuber works." - Reed
"Pfff, the massive girth composes my presence." - Reed
"I appreciate that with the same part of me that makes me do pushups when i have an injured shoulder." - Reed
"Yo, amigo,
I was wondering if youre gonna get around to sending the game soon, I think ive given you plenty of time. I did indeed spend the one month anniversary of me paying for the auction without the game and I was very sad. So sad that I crumpled my diaphanous heart in the bottom of a bottle of carpet thread. But seriously, just e-mail me and tell me that your cat dragged in a dead mouse and you had to spend the last month on your couch for fear that you might contract adidas disease so you couldnt get to your computer and e-mail me about the auction. Anything! How about forwarding me a junk e-mail? SOMETHING PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE ALIVE! I'M BUGGING OUT DUDE! YOU GOT ME SO WORRIED! I think i might file a missing person report or something, man. I'll make sure the good guys find you and make sure youre safe." - Reed's third e-mail to a guy who wasn't responding after he won an Ebay auction
"Sometimes I want to be semi-narcissistic. Or maybe semi-arid. Or a barren old woman. Also, my teeth would MATCH MY TOILET BOWL! Hot Diggidy!! Anyways, I'd be so dry, and taiga and costal environments would be all over me. Oh what is to be done with me, Melike? help me, my armpit is melting." - Reed
"I hate how Danish people cross out letters. Leave it in the fucking word!" - Reed
"I am accepting staccato shower legatissimo (?!?!?)." - Reed's away message when he went to shower
"She will always begin her statements with 'no...' as if to negate what I just said. Really it's really just to like clear whatever I said from reality so that she can say what she needs, even if it's the exact same thing I just said." - Reed
"This room ate my cat! There was a cat in here 20 minutes ago and now it's not here, the room ate it!" - Reed
"Awww, she looks so.. chewed upon.." - Reed, about his cat
"I dunno, then we can walk around and make fun of how Korean women fart." - Reed
"She's too emo to function!" - Reed
"I can't picture myself crying. I tried a few years ago and it didn't work." - Reed
"I'd sound so exotic if my name was Reed Yersiz." - Reed
"Last night the guys were drinking some, and I took shots of milk. It was 2% and I almost barfed the fat was so sweet." - Reed
"Haha, 'interesting' always reminds me of 'insectoid.'" - Reed
"Ohhh my goodness! I just threw a javelin at a lemon, and it landed 3 inches away from it. I should totally go to ancient Greece." - Reed
"Haha it was so funny when I asked the teacher how long our final would be compared to the tests she said, 'Well for you it would be about an hour since you finish the test in almost no time. But for Patricia (whom she then points to) it would take the whole three hours since she never finishes the tests on time.'" - Reed
"You said my name like my mom does when she scolds me." - Reed
"What happened? and why all the grandiose wordage?" - Reed
"I don't think guys mature, it's all just a façade. Either they wear nice clothes or they get married and 'settle down' for a 'serious life.'" - Reed
"Anything that Reed says can be funny. Even if he goes up to you with his most serious face and says, 'pudding.' He'd be like, 'I have cancer,' and we'd laugh." - Aimee
"Reed and Tom are like Pooh and Piglet.. except Pooh has schizophrenia and Piglet is rabid." - Aimee
"Oh I say only the sweetest things to embitter your day, if embitter is a word. I'm sorry for my meltadorf. Nevermnind penetententnint." - Reed
"I think I want to go visit you just so I can get a chance to slap her." - Reed
"He's like two Nobel prizes away from destroying the world." - Reed, when I showed him a picture of one of my professors
"Would you make out with Jonathan if he were wearing pantyhose?" - Reed
"Uhhh, no way. She just belongs at a Renaissance fair universe." - Reed
"g2g.. I'm gonna watch Amelie with my gay roommate." - Reed
"Man, winter is the end of lips. Crackle... age... cracklage.. skin chunkers.. ash drippers." - Reed
"Awww cats are so cute! I don't understand how some people say 'they look evil.' These people should be forbidden from doing anything aesthetic related." - Reed
"Dude, I wanna make a gothic cathedral with neon lights." - Reed
"Melike, I'll never touch you. You're like the Virgin Mary to me." - Reed
"She's got a really nice body. When she walks, she's like a samba who swings so gently." - Reed
"I think it's excusable to hear 'm' as 'n' but NEVER the other way around. That's imexcusable. Pfff! Okay, I'm a nut. al;rjke ignore that." - Reed
"I think right now I would be more insulted if somebody said that I am not a source of animal magnetism than if they said I am a moron. I aspire to be a glimmering shallow bethesda." - Reed
"Ugh, the idea of getting old has got to be the grossest thing ever. I'll be able to stand it til I'm 50 or something. But after that, it's just too much rot." - Reed
"I'm listening to a mix of 'Paris lounge' that my cousin made me for Christmas in my bathrobe in a dark room. Ooh this is the life.. on a miniature laptop. I feel so European." - Reed
"I love the smell and sound of rain. It's the most calming but stimulating thing ever. I either feel like going to sleep or jumping off buildings." - Reed
"Asian women are so Asian. Moreso than Asian men." - Reed
"The titles are key! 'Boy, Where U go ,wait for me.' 'The sky so good today.' These are golden nuggets of Asian ineptitude." - Reed
"No, I just need to apologize for my existence." - Reed
"Everybody there in Wisconsin thinks Japanese stuff is so exotic. Where I come from, Japanese is everyday life." - Reed
"Okay, or 'otay' as Kacee says cos she's a little girl and can't distinguish English phonemes yet." - Reed
"UCLA at night is the best. I almost cried it was so gothic!" - Reed
"Sorry, I get aggressive when I drive because I'm bad at it." - Reed
"I was raised right, it just doesn't show all the time." - Reed
"You must not be let down! Future passive participle!" - Reed
"I gurgled down an entire bottle of water, and I punched the empty bottle against the wall and paint chips flew off because it's an old wall. And right then, I choked on my water. It was like instant karma!" - Reed
"Just go really fast so you know that if you screw up, you'll die." - Reed, on driving
"I had a positive encounter with a fellow human being, so that lifted the spirits a little." - Reed
"Turks just sit around saying 'Suleyman' and smelling roses." - Reed
"I bow down to you not for the circumflex skill but for the sexual power you hold over me." - Reed (old quote)
"I dunno, you were playing with my cat, so I thought I'd play with my mom's jewelry." - Reed
"Talking to him is like one wash of ego." - Reed
"The other weekend, I was with some friends and Sarah Flores said, 'Okay, on three let's say the name of the person most likely to get married first!' and I got a roomful of 'Reed!'s." - Reed
"I stopped at the cemetary on Pico and 14th and walked around for a bit. It was kinda weird to be around so many humans and be the only one living." - Reed
"I like going faster, but I don't like feeling like crashing into a wall." - Reed
"Look at this. Melike, look at this. I'm shepherding my flesh." - Reed
"What is this? My face just excretes ugly." - Reed, pulling paper out of his mouth
"Stylish? Shut up. Stylish could also be called retarded." - Reed
"I'm so closed-minded! I'm so proud of myself for it. I hate things. I have opinions." - Reed
"Everyone needs to be just like me. I'm serious." - Reed
