"If my calculations are correct, I have to take exactly 57 and 1/2 Advil pills to get better by tomorrow evening." - Steven
"He threw one up in my grill, and it changed my views of him forever." - Steven
"Melike...... I'm a woman." - Steven
"C'mon, this is Melike we're talking about, a friendly, female Turk who always gets A's on everything." - Steven
"Are you guys scared because of this? We are living history. I can just picture myself as an old man, with a fat grandchild on my old-ass lap, telling his fat ass this whole story." - Steven, about the war
"I love myself, 'cuz I have a skill of making people feel like crap." - Steven
"Did you just hit her folder? Hit her face!" - Steven
"In the immortal words of Steven, 'Have a nice-ass day...'" - Aimee
"I saw Steven today at SMC, but he didn't see me, and then my bus left." - Christa
"Well, that just shows that he's just a little piece of squirrel poo floating down a very large sewage channel among masses and masses of feces." - Steven
"You smell like my grandpa and it's turning me on." - Steven
"So what's going on? I feel like a helpless kitten being bitten and punched in the face." - Steven
"As an obese child, I always crapped in my pants laughing too hard at those news reports. But I wasn't really obese, see, that's just to further excite the story." - Steven
"Hey I'm buying a carnivorous plant online." - Steven
"Everything about Steven has to do with eating." - Christa
"I think if I lived 200 years ago I would have been a castrato. I would have volunteered." - Steven
"Katie was telling Steven how when he was a little Italian child, he would come to America and call everyone a fart in Italian." - Christa
"It smells like Steven." - Christa
"I won this music award at Pepperdine and I got like 4 thousand dollars, and I didn't even do anything. They just sent me this thing in the mail that was like 'congratulations.' It just says music award." - Steven
"Victoria's secret is that she's really a man." - Steven
"Last night I had a dream that I ate a ten pound marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone. Strange isn't it?" - Steven
"Melike I love you. I wanna be your lifelong friend forever and ever and ever amen." - Steven
"Isn't it one of the most gangsterous things you've ever heard in Your Entire LIFE!!!!!!!!" - Steven, about a song he likes
"So yeah I walked outside today, and lately we've had a lot of wind and all of a sudden I saw this gigantic island like right there in the middle of nowhere, and at first I thought it was Africa but I just kept looking at it and I tripped and fell and ripped one of my backpack straps. Then I came to the conclusion that it was Catalina while I was on the ground. It was sad." - Steven
"This big lizard just popped its head up and is looking at me through the screen of my window. It's so cute. I wonder if it's a carrier of salmonella." - Steven
"My god, Santa Monica tap water has got to be the worst water in the US. I'm drinking some in a tall glass and at the very bottom there's these little white flakes all accumulated into a disorganized fashion. It looks like someone blew a fatty nut in this glass and filled it with water." - Steven
